I’ve been “called out” on my digital diary. Or
maybe I just feel that way. I was discussing the blog with a friend and she noted how upbeat I sounded in my scribblings. But within the context of her statement I sensed the unspoken
question, the: “but
how are you really doing?”
That led me to begin noodling through why I birthed Bosomundheit and its intention. 1) It was to be a convenient pathway for me to share how I was doing with all of you. 2) It was not to be a poor-me page. 3) It would serve as an outlet for simple expression and creativity.
Now, after pushing this “thing” around
in my head, I've realized this blog is more than those three surface-level objectives. It's steering me toward some true introspection and the
occasional dive into the emotional weeds – for your benefit, for mine? I don't know, maybe both.
In any case, the Bosomunhdheit won't always (or even most often) be weighty. As for today, hold on, cause we're going into the deep end!
Make no mistake, I’m not a Pollyanna about any of
this current bullshit. I get pissy. I feel wrung out. I am moody. Today, I wallowed awhile in some self-pity because I didn't feel my best. I raged -- yet again -- against Ron for
not being here to help me. (Sedona hid during that tirade!) And then there are the days when I'm just too dog-tired to give a damn about anything.
 |
| In my garden. |
Then the miracle happens – I feel the flame of faith fill me
and hear the promise of a future full of hope and not despair. I am wrapped in love.
I behold all the gifts, all the beauty, all the life that
surrounds me and these negatives begin to recede. For sure they’ll continue
to lurk in the background and occasionally show their ugliness, but not for
long and not forever.
Let me reiterate: this view is not Pollyannaism; it is the promise
of Jesus Christ in my life.
Ready for more revelation? Here’s a little something from my hard-copy journal written at
8:25 a.m., Sunday June 10: “I’ve been dipping my toes in the river of worry and the
current nearly pulled me under. But Lord, you kept me from
drowning. With your right hand you held fast to me and led me to the shore.” That's not just sappy prose. It's fact. It's real.
Deep abiding losses, coupled with the unanswered "whys," reside within me today and for as long as I will live. Without doubt, more sorrow will come my way. But there's no getting around it. My sorrow and pain are countered by ample servings of joy and pleasure - the four are inseparable for me, kind of like the salty-and-the-sweet: each necessary to enhance the other.
God did not promise me or anyone else a trouble-free life. Following is a verse I've read more times than I can count and it always brings me solace: "You will suffer in the world. But take courage. I have overcome the world." John 16:33
Think I’ve come full circle now. Off my soap-box and out from behind the pulpit. I’ve taken a leap of faith
and shared some of my vulnerabilities and my greatest strength with all of you. Today, you got to see a little
deeper into the life of the Bosomundheit Blogger!
Did some chilling out in the backyard with Sedona the other night. Got the silly notion of taking our picture as we sprawled on the baked earth. Dona eventually had enough of my too candid camera and let me know it - see if you can find the fed up pup in the collage!
Lucky for me that didn't totally spoil my appetite, although my order was so-so at best. The manager's actions definitely had me wondering what other unsanitary food practices could be going on that I didn't personally witness.
Didn't post last night. Didn't feel like getting on the computer, to be honest. Sometimes that lighted screen and the digital world it illuminates is too much. Instead, after getting out a bit with Dona, I chilled in my comfy new reclining chair under a lovely quilt made by the James Stitching Sisters. Eventually drifted off while watching "Chopped" on Food Network.