3,650 Days - 10 Years - A Decade

It's a bit surreal to me that today marks 10 years since RJ's death. Time stretched without me realizing it had done so - now it snaps back in place with a sharp "thwack." Regardless of the "anniversary" number, his absence remains poignant for me. Yet, from that loss -- from the fruit of our love and from the ashes of my grief -- God has nurtured me and provided a way forward. I didn't always see His path and I probably blew right past any number of His generous graces, but as I reflect upon these last many years, the evidence of His hand upon me is brilliantly clear. Praise God, His faithfulness continues. I thank God for the gift of love that came into my life more than 30 years ago. On the heels of this notable date, I also humbly thank our Lord for the great blessing of a new love in my life that has appeared as unbidden and unexpectedly as the first. With a grateful heart, I give glory to God always.

Psalm 23

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want..."

Love is a Never Ending Story

Renewed my driver’s license yesterday at the Hayden Run/Bethel Road BMV.

Walking in, I knew whose sweet face my eyes would behold: Lindsay Alyce Jones'.

Hard to believe she would have turned 34-years-old today.

Lindsay was a joyful gift in life and life-saving hero in death.

Love and miss you, kiddo.

If you aren’t a registered organ donor, I encourage you to become one today: bit.ly/DonateLife8 

A Day of Note

Six years ago today I became a breast cancer survivor. It even was about this time of day (1 o'clock) when Dr. Larry Joe Lilly plunged a needle into the lump in my breast to extract cells for testing. Maybe 30 minutes later he came back and said the cells were positive for cancer. Yeah, my world screeched to a halt in that moment. In the next, it was game on. Thanks be to God, every day now is "game on" in praise of the opportunity to continue in this world He created.

Today, I met with someone whose wife is battling back the CBitch. She's receiving treatment at the Stefanie Spielman Center, too. At great length, he spoke of how wonderful the people are at the Spielman, the care, the support, the encouragement. It is a blessed place for anyone dealing with the unexpected curve of cancer.

Anyway, just tossing up a little e-confetti today ... for life.

Bare Naked Truth

Nothing can prepare a woman for the physical (and emotional) wounds sustained after surgical battle with breast cancer. No matter how many pre-op photos are reviewed, pages of literature read, or first-person stories heard, it's simply impossible to be ready for what's about to come.

And, when leaving the hospital with a dopey brain and mummy-wrapped chest, it is still possible to delude yourself a little while longer into believing that it's "probably not that bad."  But then the time comes -- the Big Reveal. The gauze is slowly unwrapped and as the last strand falls aside all you can do is stare. Your mind is empty and numb as you slowly begin to comprehend that the bloody mess reflecting back is your chest. No cut, scrape, break or bruise you ever sustained in life changed you like this one. Part of your identity as a woman has been ripped away. You are horror stricken at the viciousness of both the physical and emotional attack on your body. You weep. If you are lucky, someone is standing there with you who lovingly whispers, "It's going to be o.k."

First Not

Unfinished sentences splashed all across this blog post last night as I tried to express my thoughts on this first Christmas without my mom and my brother, John.

I vacillated between joy and the depths of despair.
I found comfort in the gift of a friend.
I had a melt down as family parted ways...
Then a text from my sister came and clarified everything. And it was simply this:
"We made it through today."
Yes, indeed, we made through today.

Praise be to God for the gift of His Son.

Litany of Love

My biggest fan. My greatest advocate. My best friend.
You, Mom.

You anchored me, especially these last several years.
I now feel adrift.

We told each other things no one else ever heard.
Big things and little things - the whatever-things that filled our hearts and heads. Things that brought neither judgement nor reproach, though frequently laughter and tears.

Together, we consoled one another in a way that allowed us to "carry on" as we faced the most sorrowful and challenging moments our lives.

You, who gave me life
You, who first showed me the love of our Lord
You, who taught me to be strong, compassionate, fearless, and the importance of stick-to-it-iveness

My heart aches. It is pierced. Again. Again. Again. Again.
But I hear you and I will heed what you are telling me: "Carry on."

With the strong echoes of your love reverberating all around me, I step forward.

Dazzled by Michelangelo's David and Everything Else in Florence

Of course, that is any understatement. It is hard to comprehend how Michelangelo created such an amazing statue. It is a masterpiece beyond beautiful, beyond description, really. Check out Accademia Gallery: http://www.accademia.org/explore-museum/artworks/michelangelos-david/

Similarly, it was a mind-blowing moment when we turned the corner and beheld the massive and breathtaking Duomo of Firenze (Florence), or more correctly Santa Maria del Fiore, the cathedral of Florence. My photos are almost useless for conveying the scale and "awesomeness" of this structure. I'd include a photo, but it simply would not do it justice.

Also saw Donatello's wooden sculpture of Mary Magdalene. The sorrow of Jesus' death and perhaps the magnitude of understanding his love of her and forgiveness of her sins, all seem to be captured in her face and posture. 

No Planes, but Definitely Trains!

Yesterday wrapped up with wine at the hotel's little patio/garden then off to dinner at La Botte. I started with an app of mortadella and some fresh greens. My main course was grilled scampi - all delicious and beautifully plated. For dessert, I split Tiramisu with dinner mates Liz and Gerry, chasing my share with a decadent cappuccino. However, even that was not enough as afterward we went just around the corner for the requisite gelato - I had two scoops: pistachio and cream! 🐷 Oy, I was so stuffed I skipped this morning's breakfast!

As I type this, we are buzzing through the Italian countryside on the high speed train to Florence. So excited to see what today's adventure brings!

Friends, Romans and Countrymen

June 13

Today's sights included the Palantine Steps, the Forum and Colosseum.

We saw where Caesar gave the thumbs up or down and where he was cremated after assassination. The remains of the Temple of the Vestal Virgins included three towering columns. Next to that was the house of the Vestal Virgins. Beneath our feet were large and small cobblestones in place for more than 2,000 years old - can't imagine how many feet have stepped on them. Very humbling.

When in Rome...

Arrived in Rome yesterday (6/12).

Amazing and hard to believe! I am posting only a couple photos right now and will add more later. The pix are 1) at Trevi Fountain with. Fr. Bob and Fr. Stephen, and 2) My first authentic Italian gelato!