Different, But Not. Gone, But Here

Lindsay & Ron at Bucca
on her 16th BDay

There are certain days of the year when being uber busy and focused on the "now" is a good thing. September 13 is one of those days; it is one of the "torment-a-versaries" in my timeline. On this day 12 years ago, we lost our Lindsay to a brain aneurysm. Lindsay was a beautiful, vibrant 17-year-old high school senior with a big heart and contagious smile -- and the apple of her dad's eye. I often wonder what she might be doing had she remained with us. Would she have pursued a career in nursing? Would she be married? And, almost impossible to consider, would she have a child? But, I get stopped in my fantasy tracks every time over the incongruity of it all. Dreaming of her life  means dreaming of Ron's life. Emotionally, my heart no longer separates Lindsay's death from Ron's death. I do not cry for one without crying for the other. September 13 and April 8 belongs to both of them.

Andy with our nephew, Josh

Of course, as I go down the path of ruminating first on the loss of Lindsay and then the loss of Ron, I inevitably examine the loss of my brother, Andy, who died in a car accident Feb. 4, 1996. It is not with disrespect that I lump all of these torment-a-versaries together, rather it is love that binds each of these extraordinary lights of this world.

I don't know if any of that makes sense. Their deaths don't makes sense, so I guess it doesn't matter. I miss and love you Linds, ditto RJ and Andy.

(l-r) Harvey, Lindsay, Aunt Helen & Andy

Hopefully the video below will work. It's from 2002, just about two weeks before Lindsay died. I was trying out our new video camera and we recorded a message for Ron's mom...